Changes

So...it's been a while since I blogged.  What has happened in the past few months?  Well, I left Disney, moved to San Francisco, AND I now work for Zynga!  ...and am hundreds of endless heartbreaking miles away from Andrew :(  Yeah...the city IS exactly one less person short of being perfect.  All-in-all, I now have an official full-time job with benefits and the company pays VERY well.  Unfortunately, it's my first week in a new city and I am in a financial piss-hole;  I think the homeless have more than I do at the moment.  I am also currently homeless. But, if things pan out and I get approved for a loan BEFORE my first paycheck, I will at least have enough for a security deposit to pay for this great little studio near Golden Gate Park and down the street from a million little chinese grocery stores stocked full with fresh fruits and vegetables--a vegetarian's paradise.  I hope this all works out.  So far, the biggest improvement  in my life is the public transportation and the potential money I will be making; if I can knock out my loans over the next 1.5 years, I'll be set.  Also, Andrew should be moving in by/before then :) and life will be perfect.  So many new things, places, people, schedule, etc. etc.  I hope I make it world.  San Francisco is my new city and I will have to conquer it one day at a time. 

My best friend

Andrew is someone who I can 100% rely on (even if that means 100% rely on the fact that on certain things he is unreliable.  e.g. "I'll be done in 5 minutes" means "I won't be done for a very long time, but I want you to know that I do want to spend time with you as soon as possible").  I feel like the weekends we spend together, I can catch up on life; each second, every breath counts as though I have been holding it all week while waiting for life to un-pause and continue.  Anyway, I am very tired now and can't remember what else I wanted to say other than I am very lucky to have found someone who makes me a better person and who continually teaches me to live.  I thought by now that my weekend relationship would start to feel normal, but I don't miss him any less during the week.  Having your best friend live 60 miles a way is 60 miles too far. 

Fruit Bats

Baby, remember on the buss and my hand was on your knee.

when you love somebody its hard to think about anything but to breathe.
Baby, I am the cub who was washed out in the flood,
When you love somebody but bite your tongue all you get is a mouthful of blood.

Here we go-

Baby, i am the cub who was washed out in the flood,

When you love somebody but bite your tongue all you get is a mouthful of blood.

When you love somebody its hard to think about anything but to breathe

When you love somebody its hard to think about anything but to breathe

When you love somebody but bite your tongue all you get is a mouthful of blood

When you love somebody its hard to figure out, hard to figure out

when you love somebody its hard to figure out, its hard to figure out

when you love somebody its hard to think about anything but to breathe



tiny fits of rage

happiness currently exists interstitially in two places sixty miles apart and as of late, i want nothing more than the two to collide.  to put it into context on the most possible superficial note: two-thousand dollars, two beds, two kitchens, two living rooms, two bathrooms, two hair dryers, two closets, two apartment keys, two mailing addresses, ....two of everything and not 1 place to call home. 

Haiku 8/26/10

if they stay the same
they will not fix the mistakes
just know they were made

-Anna

do not fear too much
all will be resolved in time
i believe in you

-Drew

Haiku 8/25/10

Drew and I are going to try to do a daily haiku......

playing frontierville
pondering my life's purpose
i want a doughnut

-Anna

oh silly anna
playing games, thinking deeply
how you humor me

-Drew

BPD

How do you ask someone, in the most sincere way possible, to be tested for BPD?  Sometimes I think we are doing more harm by not discussing the elephant in the room.